Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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