i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm at about main and main street
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
