Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
