There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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