im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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