god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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