I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
