I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
