Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She bit a glass in half.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
