my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
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We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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