I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
