Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
