Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
