Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize
