I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
