Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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