guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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