I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
