so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
