You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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