quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
