i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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