Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
