why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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