can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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