I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
