she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize