the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
