Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
false alarm. still invincible.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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