It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
