i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
