Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
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just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
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Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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