i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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