Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
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I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
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he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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