its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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