dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
it's great music for shaving your balls
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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