i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
