I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Buhtt sex?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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