On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
