You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
