You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
