You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
