I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
So many bounce houses so little time
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
