Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
