Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
