need another drink. this is the easiest way
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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