and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I think your dad took our porno
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
