Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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