He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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