I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I think im going to throw up on grandma
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
