Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
