Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
