Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
