I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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