then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
