my sisters under your porch take her home
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
