That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
