Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
