one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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