it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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