I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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