maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
