Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
