Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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