How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
