I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
