I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
