your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
