Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
