In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
