He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
