can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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