The maid of honor just puked.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
