What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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