Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
