"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
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we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
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Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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