you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
