When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
wow bdsm is so cute
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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