Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
