Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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